So I Quit My Job…

I was officially there for 1 year and 2 days.

And I was expecting this wave of relief to overcome me.

But it didn’t happen! Instead I dived straight into research and planning what’s going to happen next in my life.

I didn’t quit out of the blue – quitting has actually been on my mind for a long time. A few of the factors that lead to myself acting upon my decision were:

1. The retail world is full of dumbasses.

I’m serious. I worked under someone who does not how to do simple maths, lacked common sense, inefficient – everything you DON’T look for in a job posting. They claimed to have had 20 years of retail experience – doing what exactly? I was told that I work heaps better and I’ve only been in retail for one year. Fun fact: while I had to work my ass off for a secure place in the roster amongst nearly 40 people [team got cut down to 5 people from 40], they secured a salary through bullshitting an interview. I had to get out of there before I turned into a total idiot.

2. My boyfriend’s manager was worried about my design career.

Quite sad that it took someone else’s manager to tell me that I need to put more time and effort into sorting myself out and finding out what I really wanted to do. He could tell from a glance that I hated retail when I told him what I was doing. A lot of his advice stuck with me from that single encounter. He said, and I paraphrase, “If you’re not stressing over something when you get home and have the time to play games, watch movies, something’s not right.” I guess it really hit home… but I still do love my gaming time.

3. When my area manager said I was “just mucking around”.

I had a lovely chat with my area manager and he asked me if I was studying. I said no, I graduated a while back. He asked if I was working elsewhere. I said no. He said “So you’re just mucking around then?”. I wanted to throw whatever was in my hand at him. But it really hit me how true it was. How long was I gonna float around for? FYI, he resigned two months before I did.

4. When I designed a logo for a friend’s online baby clothing store.

Whilst I was still employed, I whipped up a character for a friend to use as his logo. It was the most fun I had in a while doing something design related. I didn’t even want them to pay me for it, I just had lots of fun with it. And it got me thinking… this is something I’m willing to do for free… whilst my job requires the idea of a weekly payslip to drag me out of bed for work. Hmm…

5. The amount of time I spent complaining about work.

Well this relates to point #1 up there but yeah, I did find most of my free time was dreading and complaining about work with my colleagues and my boyfriend. My work-life balance was whacked up because there was that much to be stressed out about. Although being able to vent it out was good and relieved a lot of pressure, it started to become an recurring cycle.

6. Stocktake in fast moving consumer goods retail sucks. BALLS.

Period. Never going through that again.

7. Potential business opportunity.

I had a random chat with my brother and he had a business idea which coincided with mine. It was something I wanted to do but had little confidence to achieve it on my own. Maybe it’ll work out this time, with his support. AND no, it’s not anything dodgy like pyramid schemes. It’s still design related :).

That’s it for the massive spontaneous update on where I’m headed in life. I’m glad I was able to leave on relatively good terms with management so I’m left with no regrets.

Thanks for reading!

Catherine.

Silent Screams

Prior to writing this entry I was curled up under two blankets trying to escape reality. It’s been a year since I have been working as a retail assistant and I think I’ve just about had enough of it. 

Staying at this job goes against everything I stand for – I never wanted a job to feel like a job. I wanted a job that I would enjoy doing even if I didn’t get paid to do it. When I first started out, it was like a dream come true. I worked with an awesome group of people and made friends – friends who understood me within 2 months unlike others who still can’t connect with me after years. I used to come into work 1-2 hours early, just to hang out. I stayed back at work for 2-4 hours, just to help out. I didn’t mind that I didn’t get paid for those extra hours. I worked 40 hour weeks without anything to bitch and whine about. Instead of being tired, I was always full of energy, and I loved my life.

But that happiness was short lived. Everyone I cared about here began to leave one by one for greener pastures. I had to report to a person who I didn’t believe in nor inspire me one bit. I could not work under a person who could not work in a team, dictates rather than leads, does not follow up on their own work, steals credit, and is an emotional wreck. 

12 months later

I’m questioning my values. Why am I making myself stay here. My workplace relationships are damaged beyond repair, I don’t intend to move up into higher positions here, am I just gonna be one of those people who work for money and disregard their morals?

I feel myself sinking lower and lower into the ground each passing day. I sit in my car dreading the final minutes before each shift, preparing myself for the worst. This is a sign that I should quit, right? I think of quitting all the time but what is holding me back?

I love what I do here. I loved the beginning where everything was so perfect, with the perfect team and all. Maybe there’s a part of me that clings on to the thought that one day, if I wait it out, things will be all right again… even though I know they won’t be. 

I’ve tried changing, I’ve tried fixing things, but everything just repeats itself. It’s a vicious, endless cycle. 

What if…

I’m left thinking about what could have been. What if I wasn’t accepted in the first place? Would I have done that internship in Canberra? Would I have started my own online store? Whatever it was I would have been doing… would I be happier than now?

All I know for sure is that anything is better than this.

Rain

I found a collection of creative writing that I did in year 10 (8 years ago). A lot of writing I did back then was generally about going through the teenage stages of life, but amongst them were… what I consider now to be the masterpieces of my younger years. My writing has come back to re-inspire me and show me the way back to being self confident about my work, when there were no wrong answers. Enjoy :).

—————-

Wednesday 6th September 2006

Rain

I am the rain that falls onto the trees
To give them life
Just sun will not suffice

I am the rain that falls into the rivers
For the fish to swim
Or for people to use as a bin

I am the rain collected in tanks
So people can drink
Or to rinse in the sink

I am the rain that falls in the reservoir
Taken to houses when plenty
No use to anyone if empty

I am the rain that runs through taps
With a purposeful use
Or just for waste and abuse

I am the rain that falls on the ground
In puddles is where I can be found
Before I make my way back to the clouds

I am the rain that connects the earth to the sky
Eternally separated as the years drift by
With lingering hope, I wish for this:
To bring the people’s hearts together
That peace and calm will remain forever

Catherine Nguyen
10 Catherine

Brand New Map

I found a collection of creative writing that I did in year 10 (8 years ago). A lot of writing I did back then was generally about going through the teenage stages of life, but amongst them were… what I consider now to be the masterpieces of my younger years. My writing has come back to re-inspire me and show me the way back to being self confident about my work, when there were no wrong answers. Enjoy :).

—————-

Wednesday 28th August 2006

Brand New Map

I want to make something out of my life,
So I’ll start with ending all strife.
I’ll draw a map out of the air,
Including things to make the world fair.

A left turn to achieve my dreams,
Walking east to start new means.
Running west to make amendments,
Looking up to count all my achievements.

One look to the back for desert ranges,
Look to the front for future changes.
Two steps forward for motivation,
A thousand steps come to revelation.

A stop to rethink priorities,
What comes first, what comes in the twenties.
A pause to get through obstacles,
Things in life can get a little bit subtle.

Show what I’m made of at checkpoints,
To let them know that I’m not spoilt.
I’ll fight to construct my creations,
Nothing will get in the way of my intuition.

It’s never too late to start,
Your life is made of what you carve.
Through roundabouts and winding roads,
A heart and mind stays true and bold.

I’ll be on my way.

Catherine Nguyen
Class: 10 Catherine

BACK-ON – wimp ft. Lil’ Fang (from FAKY)

tsuyogari no uragawa ni yowasa wo kakushiteta
nigenai yo kore kara wa… mou ichido ano sora e!!

tsukuri agetemo kowashite mata tsukutte
nanbyaku kai mo again and again!
demo makeru itami ni nare sugiteta
mitomeraretakute karamawatte
tsuyogari miseta tokoro de
sore ja jibun ga munashiku naru dake ja nai?

uh ikou ka! it’s time to wake up!
me wo samashina! tsuyosa wa meikaku
forget the fear and doubt you gotta burn it up
ichi ka bachi ka sa! asu mo futashika
sadame nante kowase fight for yourself!
me wo sorasuna fly again!

‘tsuyoku naritai!’ to negau koto de
furueteta hane wa yami wo kirisaiteku
kimi ga iru kara mou kowakunai yo
sono te nigitte mou ichido ano sora e!

dareka no tame ni nante 1mm [ichimiri] datte
ugoita kotosura nakatta
demo ima wa kinou made no boku ja nainda
tatakatteru bokura wo tatakawanai
hitotachi wa warau kedo
sore ja imamade to 1mm [ichimiri] mo kawaranain ja nai?

Are you ready for the battle to the next stage! te wo nobashite
tsukamitoru no sa chikara wo everyday!
Up side down! joushiki nante blast out!!
dare mo ouitsukenai spiido de right now!
nando datte toberu with the follow wind
me wo sorasuna fly again!

‘yowasa datte kimi no tsuyosa’ to
oshiete kureta kara boku wa mata tachiagareta
kimi no tame nara donna itami mo
koete koko kara mou ichido ano sora e!

tada no way! nante hakisuteta toko de
sore de okay! nante sekai ja nakute soredemo

‘tsuyoku naritai!’ to negau koto de
furueteta hane wa yami wo kirisaiteku
kimi ga iru kara mou kowakunai yo
sono te nigitte

‘yowasa datte kimi no tsuyosa’ to
oshiete kureta kara boku wa mata tachiagareta
kimi no tame nara donna itami mo
koete koko kara mou ichido ano sora e!

[Lyrics] EXILE TAKAHIRO – Love Story

hitotsu tsutaetai kotoba wo mune ni daite
kyou mo mada onaji michi aruku

sora ni kiseki wo motomete miagete mo
dokoka de mita kumo ga saegitteita

mabushii kaze ni kono mayoi mo
fukitobaseta nara

ima todoketai yo kono yume to
seiippai no ai wo tsumekonda kara

saa tobira wo akete
futari no mirai wo mitsukeyou
kowagaru koto wa nai no sa

toki ni kirei na hitomi no oku ni aru
hi no hikari ga todokanai basho

maru de fuyu no owari sae mo kizukenai hodo
kajikande furueru hana no you ni

ryoute de yasashiku atatamete
sakasetai kara

mou matasenai yo kimi dake ni
kono okurimono wo uketotte yo

sou me no mae ni aru
futari no ai wo hibikaseyou
tokubetsu na MERODII wo

koko kara hajimaru STOORII wo
terashi tsuzuke you

ima todoketai yo kono yume to
seiippai no ai wo tsumekonda kara

sou me no mae ni aru
futari no ai wo hibikaseyou
tokubetsu na MERODII wo

You were meant for me…

[Lyrics] Nissy – doushiyou ka

doushiyou ka

arikitari na DOJI ya mistake
donna sugata mo kawaikute
te wo sashinoberu koujitsu wo kure yo
denwa goshi ja tarinasou da
Tonight’s the night
konya no shuuden ni noriokurete minai?

amasugiru mistake
issho kenmei na kimi ni doushiyou ka
tasuketai da keredo
boku no sukoshi wo
kimi ni agetai
sonna amasugiru mistake

kimi wo kono mama tsuresaru yo
iesou de ienai kono omoi
modokashii jikan zenbu kimi no sei da yo
konna tsuyogari wo hodoite
Tonight’s the night
Hora sorosoro
machigai okasou yo

amasugiru mistake
issho kenmei na kimi ni doushiyou ka
tasuketai da keredo
boku no sukoshi wo
kimi ni agetai
sonna amasugiru mistake

TIMING toka
riyuu wo matsu yori
ima te wo nobasou
boku no sei da ne
ashibumi na no wa
honto shippai ga kowakute
nakanaka ugokidasenai yo

sou boku wa kimi ni koi wo shiteru dake
hontou wa
tasuketai to ka ja nai ka mo

doushiyou ka

amasugiru mistake
issho kenmei na kimi ni doushiyou ka
ima sugu dakishimetai
boku no subete
kimi ni agetai
sonna amasugiru mistake