Note: I don’t disrespect anyone out there who already have kids and are leading happy, fulfilling lives. Having kids has its merits. So does a life without kids.
Why am I writing this?
I must be such a bitter person to bring this topic up onto my blog but just hear me out. I constantly have people telling me:
- “One day, you WILL have kids.”
- “People get married, and then they have kids.”
- “Who’s gonna look after you when you grow old?”
- “Don’t you love your partner?”
- “Have my babies.” (haha just kidding)
- “You may think that you don’t want kids now, but once your friends around you start having kids, you’d want them too.”
Imagine how I feel when I have to explain myself repeatedly why I don’t want kids, let alone have them at all under peer pressure. :(
Since I was little, I knew that I didn’t want kids. So you might think that at that age, I’m too young, naive, and know nothing about the real world… well, children can be more observant than you think.
Initially the reason I didn’t want kids was that I could see how my parents were because of me and my siblings. They always argued on who would be responsible for which kid, cooking for 6 people, cleaning after 6 people, taking the kids to school, etc. The stress eventually accumulates and they take out their anger on each other, or even blame it on the children. I didn’t want to become such an unfair person just because I was worn out from family matters. So from a young age, being brought up in a Catholic family, I decided to avoid the same family issues in the future by aspiring to become a nun. No marriage, no kids.
15 years or so later.
After realizing that I have rights and control over my own life and can remain single should I wish for it, I decided against nunhood (I thought marriage was compulsory unless I wanted to become a nun haha). I wanted someone who can love me and my imperfections, someone who can take care of me and be there for me through thick and thin. And in return, I will love them unconditionally and do everything I can to make sure that they’re happy. We can even get married and be together forever. But…
I still don’t want kids.
I’m well aware of the things that one can only experience with having a child, like:
- watching your children grow up to become fully fledged adults with your partner
- watching you and your partner grow and mature
- facing new challenges with your family together
- patience and perseverence (or developing them since I don’t have any)
- your child’s first words
- that moment when your kids start school
- that moment when you teach your kids to drive
- having to deal with hypocrisy when your kids ask ‘did you use to sleep at 9am every night too?’ (I sleep at 3-4am) or ‘did you eat junk food after 12?’ (chocolates, McDonalds, pizza, you name it, I ate it all).
- having to deal with your kids going to “a friend’s house” to “study”
- having to deal with your kids wanting a smartphone, tablet or computer
- THEN having to deal with your kids meeting shady people on the internet (note that problems with technology and social networks can only get worse from here)
People say that having children is, in a way, a sign of trust and proof of your love for your life partner. Personally for me I disagree. Having children is a lifelong responsibility that would take away valuable time that could have been spent with your partner. It would take away any opportunities to just be together, like:
- travelling the world together
- pursuing careers that require relocation
- focusing and excelling in your career
- wanting a small house but with a huge garage for our car collection
- expanding and modifying your car collection
- trying and discovering new things or learning new skills
- pursuing personal interests without limitations
- giving your partner your full undivided attention and love
- being spontaneous with weekend plans
- watching M rated movies etc, instead of stuff like Dora the Explorer and whatnot
- going out late without having to hire a nanny
- romantic dinners anytime we want without kids thirdwheeling
- and most importantly, finding time to be alone to reflect, recover and refresh.
My boyfriend and I.
Fortunately I am with someone who shares my views. The best thing about it was that I didn’t have to confront him about it. While we were driving around, he just casually said that he doesn’t want kids. I glowed. All this time I’ve been trying to find a way to bring up this topic, and yet couldn’t because I was afraid of disappointing him, in case he actually wanted kids. He’d rather be there for me and love only me every moment he can, as well as focus on his career, and having our very own awesome workshop and garage for our car babies. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have found him.
So in conclusion…
Please… Don’t try to change me! Don’t be such a know-it-all, I know myself and my capabilities better than anyone. I know I’m not gonna be a good parent, so I’m doing myself and my non-existant child a favour. It simply won’t make me happy. And besides, it’s up to between my partner and me, not peer and social pressure :).
P.S: I’m down for owning 20 cats though.